Sophie Turner Doesn't Owe Anyone A Narrow Definition of Motherhood

The Joe Jonas/Sophie Turner are revealing the still narrow views of motherhood

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Because I’m someone who really lives for pop culture, sometimes I get really invested in celebrity stories. And because my content writing job exists at the intersection of parenting and celebrities, I’m forced to be aware of these celebrity stories.

One of this month’s biggest stories is that Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner are getting divorced. I will be fully honest and say that while they were married, I did not give a shit. Joe isn’t my favorite Jonas, and the only time I watched an episode of Game of Thrones, I turned it off after five minutes. Despite this, I have been fully invested in the way the media has been spinning their divorce story. I think it’s a really good example of how society views not just mothers, but working mothers, and holds celebrity or forward facing mothers to an even more impossible standard. 

Joe and Sophie share two children under the age of three. That’s a lot to deal with, even if you have the financial means to hire help. Obviously I don’t know them, but I feel like Sophie is probably a very hands-on mom, which means that poor woman hasn’t had a break in three years. Toddlers are demanding little assholes. For the most part, she has stayed pretty low profile and hasn’t worked much since becoming a mother. She is currently working on something in England, but hasn’t done anything super significant in the last few years. 

Over Labor Day weekend, stories started to swirl that Joe was talking to lawyers about filing for divorce. By Wednesday of that week, they had released a joint statement on Instagram confirming their divorce. They claimed that the decision was mutual, the split amicable, and that there were many “speculative narratives” about the reasoning behind their decision. 

The acknowledgment of the stories that had been swirling around the media was the part of the announcement that struck me the most. In the days leading up to it, there were all kinds of stories going around the tabloid using “sources” close to the couple, giving all kinds of examples about what happened. Many of these stories painted Joe as the hero, and made Sophie seem like an uninterested or neglectful mother, which felt surprising, as she has never given off that vibe in the past. It’s important to note that these “sources” were always close to Joe, as Sophie and her team never responded to requests for comments. 

The first big story that came out was that Sophie had all but abandoned her children, and Joe was caring for them all by himself while he and the Jonas Brothers were touring around the country. As soon as I saw these stories, I started seeing red for several reasons: one, she didn’t abandon her kids, she is working long days filming in ENGLAND! Why in the world would she schlep her kids all the way across the world to not spend any time with them? Make it make sense. Two, let’s not applaud Joe Jonas for being a father and taking care of his kids. It’s 2023, long past time to stop framing stories of men doing the bare minimum and being present fathers. Of course he had the kids — he’s the one working set hours, and he had his entire family around to help with childcare. 

Because of the way the story was being spun, I have read every tabloid article on the subject that has crossed my Facebook feed. Joe’s team has jumped at every opportunity to tell his side of the story, including the planting of speculation that he found something on their Ring camera that immediately made him decide that it was time to divorce Sophie.

Everything I know about Joe Jonas has been against my will. And even then it’s not much. The first thing I knew about him was that he was the one with the stupid hair in the Camp Rock movies, which I thought looked dumb. I also know that he broke up with my queen Taylor Swift in a phone call that lasted less than 30 seconds but gave us several bops, including the iconic “Better Than Revenge”. There’s also a song on Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) called “Mr. Perfectly Fine” that is rumored to be about Joe. Sophie posted about it when the album was released, saying “It’s not NOT a bop.” I know that he is the inferior Jonas (Nick Jonas 4e) and his “band” had one mediocre hit that made no sense. I also know that he has bagged several gorgeous women, including Taylor and Sophie, and somehow continues to fumble that bag, which means there is something clearly wrong with him.

Earlier this week, Sophie and Taylor were spotted out in the streets of NYC arm in arm. Taylor was looking especially autumnal femme and I was living for it, but I digress. I would love to know what they talked about during that evening. There’s a song on folklore called “Invisible String” that has a line “cold was the steel of the ax to grind for the ones that broke my heart, now I send their babies presents,” that always made me think of Joe Jonas. Maybe because he and Sophie’s first child was born in 2020. But this dinner was a very different Taylor song. Please see the line from “Vigilante Shit” on Midnights: “Picture me thick and thieves with your ex-wife.” I do not think my girl had that much foresight, but I love when song lyrics come to life in front of our lives.

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This morning, the news story was that Sophie wasn’t just in NYC to hang out — she was actually in town to pick up her daughters and take them back to England. Her work on the miniseries Joan was finished, and it was time for the babies to be with their momma. But surprise, surprise, Joe Jonas was like “nope!” and refused to turn the girls over and let Sophie take them back home with her. So she filed a lawsuit against Joe to allow her to do so. 

In the lawsuit, she alleged that she and Joe had decided to move back to England with the girls and that they had already found a rental home and were looking at schools for their oldest daughter. They listed their Miami home over the summer, so this would actually track. 

Not too long after the story of the lawsuit went live, Joe, through his reps, released a statement claiming that when he filed for divorce in Miami, there was an order entered that “restricts both parents from relocating the children.” 🤔 So Joe knew full well that Sophie intended to move back to her home country and that order conveniently ended up in the divorce petition? I think the fuck not. It’s giving premeditated. 

The statement also said “This is an unfortunate legal disagreement about a marriage that is sadly ending. When language like 'abduction' is used, it is misleading at best, and a serious abuse of the legal system at worst.” If they had an agreement, and we have NO reason to not believe Sophie when she says that they agreed she would take the kids back to England when she was done working, what does it mean that she can’t do it, even temporarily? These are rich, powerful people whose lawyers could have skirted around rules if it meant that Sophie got to take the kids to England, where they are legal citizens I might add, to be close to her family while she deals with a divorce. Miss me with this whole, “Joe would be breaking the law” bullshit.

They also tried to argue that the girls have spent their entire lives living in the U.S. as a reason not to relocate them, and I’m sorry but they’re 3 and 1. They do not know where they live. Once the Jonas Brothers tour is over, Joe’s gonna be unemployed again, so he can go visit them in England. Give me a break.

But wait, here’s the best part of the statement: “His wish is that Sophie reconsider her harsh legal position and move forward in a more constructive and private manner. His only concern is the well-being of his children.”

*record scratch*

This is the same man who allowed “sources” close to him to talk to the tabloid media and tell stories about the mother of his children doing something so egregious on their Ring camera that he had no choice but to divorce her? Who allowed stories about his soon-to-be ex-wife saying that she was a party animal and an absent mother even though she is a self professed “homebody” who deserves time to relax and let loose? “Private?” The only time Sophie or her team has commented on the divorce was when she posted their joint statement on Instagram. She hasn’t had “sources” close to her spilling any tea about Joe, of which I’m sure there’s plenty. I also wouldn’t be surprised if she did try to work this out privately. Lawsuits aren’t usually an easy thing to make happen overnight. 

Even if Sophie had gone out and gotten wasted every night while filming, THAT IS HER RIGHT. Just because she’s a mother doesn’t mean that she isn’t a person anymore. Also, she’s 27 years old! She had her first kid when most women are still doing the walk of shame on Sunday mornings. I was 27 when I had my first kid and people still think I was super young. If she wants to go out because she’s kid free, let her. Hell, I wish I had the means to go out more than we do and I’m 10 years older than her. (I am also a self professed homebody, but sometimes ya girl likes to let loose.) The fact that Joe’s team keeps trying to paint her as the villain is making me think he has some BIG secrets to hide. And by trying to gain public favor, anything negative that might come out about him will only continue to put Sophie in a bad light.

Sophie Turner has lived most of the last three years of her life in service of her small children, and that’s great if that was her choice (which it seems to be). Sophie Turner is also allowed a life of her own and the time and space to do the things that make her a whole person, including working. Being a musician doesn’t mean that Joe is flush with cash, and someone is going to have to pay for the nannies and private school and whatever. But even if that’s not the case, Sophie is allowed to have a job. She doesn’t have to constantly be at the service of her children to be a good mother. It’s not her using her children as a pawn in a sick power game.

This divorce is about to get messy, and I know the public smear campaign of Sophie Turner is about to ramp up. I saw it so much today in the comments sections of articles regarding the lawsuit. But Twitter (I refuse to call it X) is full of women who are standing with her. I can only say that the divorce and the way she is handling things only makes me more interested in Sophie as a person. Because she’s doing what she knows to be right and isn’t cowering to an insecure man who clearly needs to have the power in his relationships.