...is this thing on?

Do I remember how to do this?

I’m still not sure exactly what this newsletter is going to be. Most of my current subscribers are familiar with my Scary Mommy work, where I took very strong stances on things like parenthood and social justice. And while those things are still important to me, I don’t know if that’s what a lot of my writing will revolve around. I’m quite out of practice writing specifically in those spaces, and if I’m being quite honest, I don’t know if that’s the writing I want to focus solely on doing. Writing is something I need to reacquaint myself with, so I will likely just write things that are on my mind, share what I’m enjoying and virtually shoot the shit with you all. First, some housekeeping things.

Housekeeping

Spring of 2022, I accepted a contract editor/writer position at Upworthy, and that was an interesting experience. At the end of the three month contract, despite earlier assurances that they saw this position going longer, my contract was not renewed. I’ve been looking for a full-time editor or writer position since. 

At the same time I left Scary Mommy, I accepted an editorial fellow position at Community Change, where I had previously been a writing fellow. It’s been an enjoyable experience so far, and I’m looking forward to the stuff I’ll be working on this year. I’ll definitely be sharing work by my writing fellows when I can!

Also! As many of you know if you follow me on other social media, I started writing for Autostraddle, which is a site mainly for queer women, nonbinary and trans folks. It’s really fun to write about queer shit and be in a space and community with a bunch of very cool, supporting and lovely queers! I’ll share some of my favorite AS pieces I’ve written below! In future issues, I’ll include some of my favorite pieces from other writers as well. 

New Year, Same Me

I have never been good at making or keeping resolutions for the new year. That’s why I generally don’t bother. But Ashley Woodfolk, an author friend of mine, tweeted about setting intentions for the new year and I really liked that idea. So here were my intentions for the year.

• Read 12 books

• Find time for joy

• Make time for my creative work

• Be a better and more present friend

Reading is something that I loved and then after having a kid was hard. I was getting back into it when the pandemic started and zapped my ability to read again. In 2021, I read 10 books, and in 2022, I read 12. We’ll see how I do this year. My ability to focus and enjoy reading is often dictated by my anxiety and depression, so it ebbs and flows at best. But! I’m determined. I read a lot of queer romance and young adult, so if you’re ever looking for recs in those areas, I’m happy to offer some! 

Again, when my anxiety and depression are raging, I just want to retreat into my blanket fort. I’m trying to remind myself that I’m bigger than those things, and I’m finding ways to make myself happy. Money’s a little too tight for yoga classes, but the kiddo got a Nintendo Switch for Christmas, and I bought myself Just Dance. So I’ve committed to doing at least one dance a day on the game and starting next month, I’m going to try and take a tap dance class at least twice a month.

In the first year of the pandemic, I started writing a YA novel and I was making great progress when the device I was using to write on was stolen and I lost my momentum. It’s been hard to get back to it, but my goal for the next six months is to write at least 20,000 words and have it finished by the end of the year. It’s hard making time to write, especially when my mental health is in the crapper. But I’m gonna do it!

Adult friendships are hard, especially when your people live across the country. I’m going to try and be more available to my friends because I love them a lot and I’ve realized how much better I feel when I’m connected with them. 

Observations from around the Internet

I recently came across a tweetstorm about a mom who admitted she hated playing with her kids. Of course the sanctimonious moms of Twitter lost their minds and called her a bad mom for admitting what every single mom knows to be true: playing with your kids is fucking boring. I hated the toddler years because I couldn’t shut my mind off enough to play trains with my kid. Toddlers and preschoolers are dictators about playtime — they want things done their way and they’re allowed to change their minds on a whim. But they will lose their minds if you call them on it. What about that is fun? I can say with certainty that I don’t miss it AT ALL. Now my kid is at an age where we can play board games or the like, and it’s become a little more fun (that is until he’s losing) and I don’t mind it as much. I credit that mom for saying the quiet part out loud.

We don’t have to be everything for our kids. I know the pandemic has really changed how we as parents and children interact with the world. But how the hell are we supposed to take care of the house, tend to our jobs, our own needs and then stop to play Thomas and Friends because a tiny dictator demands it? They can learn to self occupy!

You’re not a bad mom if you don’t like to/want to play with your kids. Understanding the limits of who you are is important as a parent. Sometimes it’s hard to fake enthusiasm, and trust me, kids are observant. Your kid will realize that you don’t want to play, and it may hurt their feelings. But if you turn it into something you do want to do, then it’s not so bad! I’m not going to sit and put together Legos with my son, but I will suggest a challenge on Just Dance. He gets what he wants, and we’re doing something that’s fun for both of us. Anyways, those are my thoughts on that. 

What I’m Watching

If you’re not already watching Abbott Elementary, I don’t know why. It’s truly the funniest show on tv right now. The characters are hilarious and well developed, the writing is stellar, and it’s one of the best modern sitcoms I’ve seen in YEARS.

I absolutely loved the Harry and Meghan docu-series on Netflix. It was a really honest, raw account of their experiences the last few years and woof. It’s heavy at times, but to see how much they love each other will warm even the coldest hearts. Meghan used to come into the hair salon where I was a receptionist, and she was in the top 3 nicest regular celeb clients we had. I hate what that family did to her. I hope they both find even a sliver of peace now. I need to start listening to her podcast.

We watched The Secrets of Playboy, an A&E docu-series on Hulu. I did learn a lot of things I never wanted to know about Hugh Hefner (mainly that he was an even bigger creep than any of us could have imagined). Honestly, it would have been better as a two hour documentary than a 12 part, hour-long docu-series. It was repetitive and redundant, and frankly, it was just trauma porn after a while. You can only hear so many explicit and traumatic rape and sexual assault stories before it feels exploitative. If you’re looking for something similar, I do recommend We Need to Talk About Cosby on Showtime. W. Kamau Bell did a fantastic job. 

I also watched the documentary If These Walls Could Sing, which is on Disney+ and Hulu. It’s about the history of Abbey Road studio and it was very informative! Paul McCartney’s daughter Mary made it and it was a very enjoyable way to pass some time. Did you know Abbey Road was originally conceived to record symphonies? I didn’t either! They walked to Sir Paul, Ringo Starr, Elton John, and a few classical artists as well. It was very cool to see some contemporary and classical cellists; the kiddo is learning to play, so we’re a cello obsessed house now!

I don’t do movies very often, and usually, I’m just watching older movies I’ve never seen before. We did go see Wakanda Forever, which is coming to Disney+ on February 1st. It won’t be as awesome at home, but it was a beautiful meditation on grief, moving on, and colonization. 

What I’m Reading

Right now, I just started She Gets the Girl by Rachel Lippincott and Alyson Derrick. It’s a YA about two college girls who fall for each other, and it’s written by a real life couple, which I love. 

I’m very behind on upcoming releases, but maybe I’ll have gotten my shit together by my next newsletter to make a list for y’all. I did preorder Prince Harry’s memoir Spare, and I’m really fucking stoked to read it. I love family drama, and I fucking hate everyone in that family but Harry and Meghan, so I’m ready for that piping hot royal tea.

What I’m Listening To

Always Taylor Swift. Midnights is so good. I didn’t get tickets to see her, but I’m holding out hope that it’ll happen.

I also made this epic playlist of Broadway show tunes that I love, if anyone is inclined to check it out. 

Read My Stuff

Looking Back at the Queer Episodes of “Say Yes to the Dress”

A Big, Black and Queer-Ass Broadway Show Is Closing, “A Strange Loop” Filled My Nerd Heart

The Woman King Is A Testament To The Power Of Black Women

No Matter How Much Changes, These Diners Stay The Same

Are All the Queer Moms Hanging Out Without Me?

Signing Off

Well that’s it for the first newsletter! I have no idea when I’m going to do another one of these, but you’ll be the first to know when I do!