February Goes By in a Blink

On writing, Black History Month and that Rihanna show

I have been so busy this month that I haven’t had time to sit down and write out another post. That doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about it — whenever I sat down to write it my brain just puttered out. It’s been really awesome to have so much to write, but I haven’t had a writing workload like this in over a year and it has thrown me for a loop in ways I didn’t quite expect. Of course, this was all of my own making, but I genuinely enjoyed it? Writing may be a bit of a slog now, but it’s still something I love to do. And at Autostraddle, I get to write what I want, and that’s really cool. 

Since leaving my job at Scary Mommy last year, one of the things I’ve been most grateful about is not having to have an opinion at the ready. So much of my work there was reaction pieces to things that were happening: pop culture, politics, whatever. If you know me, you know I’m a person who has strong opinions. But it gets exhausting to always have to have one. It’s really nice to just watch things or experience things and to not have to share those opinions with anyone but myself and those in my circle. 

One thing I’ve gotten back into is trying new recipes. We used Hello Fresh for over a year, but for financial reasons we decided to take a break. I’ve been trying new recipes, and I’m wondering if you all would like to know what I’m cooking? Let me know what y’all think!

What I’ve Been Working On

This year to celebrate Black History Month, Autostraddle partnered with an organization called SAGE to interview Black LGBTQ elders. I got to conduct two interviews, one of which was the first one of the series. It’s really awesome to write for editors who believe in you and your abilities so wholeheartedly, and the editorial team at Autostraddle has given me back a lot of the confidence I didn’t know I’d lost. 

Anyway, my first interview was with Ray Gibson, son of legendary baseball player Bob Gibson. Ray is trans, and while he had inklings of it since childhood, he didn’t know it was a possibility for him until he saw Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars. We had an awesome conversation, and we really bonded (we talked for over an hour and honestly, I could have kept talking all afternoon). Now we’re email pen pals and I’m likely going to help him with the memoir he’s writing. 

My second interview is with a woman named Barbara Abrams, and she was so delightful to talk to. She told me about how The Mary Tyler Moore Show inspired her to move to New York City, how her mother married her off to the boy next door (literally!) and how she kind of just fell into a life of service for queer elders. Talking to her was like a warm hug, and next time we’re in NYC, I’m taking her out to lunch.

Despite knowing older queer people, I don’t have queer elders in my life I can have a relationship with. It wasn’t something that I had even given much thought until I got the opportunity to talk to Ray and Barbara. They’re both over 60, but I felt such a deep connection to each of them. There was such a commonality of spirit. As Black people, I think we have a cultural shorthand that’s easy to fall into even if you don’t know the person. I felt that kinship with both of them almost immediately. 

I also felt honored that they were both so candid with me about their lives and experiences. Ray told me all sorts of things about his transition and I learned a lot that I wouldn’t have known otherwise. Barbara’s frankness felt familiar as well. It’s a gift to be able to tell other people’s stories, and it’s not something I take lightly.

From the Internet

I know I’m super late, but I’d like to share my belated thoughts on Rihanna and the Super Bowl. I tweeted this after her performance, but I think there was a large conflation about what pregnant bodies are capable of. Now, I’m not devaluing her performance by any means; it was enjoyable and very cool. But there’s a big difference between ability and desire when it comes to being pregnant.

Rihanna being pregnant doesn’t make her incapable of performing. A lot of women have done much more physically draining things during their pregnancies. Serena Williams won the Australian Open during her first trimester. My mom taught dance until she was about six or seven months pregnant with me. I was going on job interviews until a few days before I gave birth. If you’re having a healthy pregnancy, there are few things that you physically can’t do. I’m assuming Rih’s pregnancy is healthy and they weighed all the risks of her being on those moving platforms.

While you may be physically capable of anything and everything during pregnancy, you don’t often want to do any of those things. When I was pregnant, there were days where I couldn’t do anything other than move from my bed to my couch because I was so freaking tired. Could I have gotten up and run a marathon? (No because I’m out of shape) Sure. But I absolutely did not want to do a damn thing. 

Rihanna getting up on that stage and performing slightly above the bare minimum wasn’t a superhuman feat. She’s not a goddess for showing up simply because she’s pregnant. Thinking like that only reinforces the infantilizing of pregnant people, which doesn’t do anyone any favors. She’s a fucking champ because she wanted to get up on that stage and perform. Most pregnant people, especially ones with literal infants at home, would have simply stayed at home in their sweatpants eating piggies in a blanket. That’s what we need to remember. That bitch showed up, even though she didn’t have to. It couldn’t have been me.

What I’m Watching

We watched the movie Elvis because Austin Butler keeps winning awards for his role. That movie Baz Luhrmann’d so hard that we literally tuned it out after a while. The pacing was uneven, Tom Hanks’ acting was a distraction, and I hate the blend of contemporary music into a period film. But I did appreciate the fact that they didn’t shy away from Elvis basically stealing his entire style from Black singers like Big Mama Thornton, B.B. King, and Big Boy Crudup.

This is an older show, but we discovered The Great Soul Food Cook-Off on HBO Max. It was the perfect competition show to watch in February because again, it was so Black. Soul food is one of the oldest Black American traditions, and it was beautiful to see it so lovingly revered and interpreted by eight different chefs. I’m a traditionalist when it comes to soul food though, so don’t try anything fancy with me! I need to make some mac and cheese again soon. 

I showed Beth Bringing Up Baby starring Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant because she had never seen it. It’s truly a god-tier screwball comedy. You can see how it laid the groundwork for the modern day rom-com. If you’ve never seen it, then you need to fix that immediately. 

What I’m Reading

I read Friday I’m in Love, a young adult rom-com by Camryn Garrett. It’s about a girl who wants to throw herself a coming out party (to announce that she’s queer, not a debutante) to impress the girl she has a crush on. It was very cute, and you can read my review on Autostraddle.

Now Read This

The Autostraddle Black Elders Interview Project: Donald Bell by shea wesley martin

The Autostraddle Black Elders Interview Project: Malcolm Reid by shea wesley martin

They Tried To Pray the Gay Away, and I Felt Nothing by Niko Stratis

I Don’t Want To Write Beautiful Things by Leah Johnson